"I'm fine, beta. Don't worry about me." How many times have you heard these words from your parents during a video call, only to sense something wasn't quite right?
Indian parents are masters at hiding their health problems from their children, especially when those children live abroad. They don't want to be a burden, they don't want to worry you, and they certainly don't want you to feel guilty about your life choices.
But as an NRI, you need to become a detective. Here are five subtle warning signs that your elderly parents might be hiding health issues from you.
1. Changes in Their Video Call Behavior
Pay attention to how your parents position themselves during video calls. Are they sitting differently than usual? Do they avoid showing certain parts of their body or keep adjusting their position?
- Avoiding eye contact when discussing health topics
- Sitting in unusual positions to hide discomfort or pain
- Keeping calls shorter than they used to
- Background changes - new medicines visible on tables
- Speaking more softly or showing signs of breathlessness
Pro Tip
Schedule regular video calls at the same time each day. Consistency helps you notice even small changes in their routine, appearance, or energy levels.
2. Deflecting Health Questions Too Quickly
Healthy parents usually don't mind casual health check-ins. But if your parents consistently change the subject when you ask about their health, it's a red flag.
Watch for these deflection tactics:
- Immediately asking about your work or children
- Making jokes to avoid serious health discussions
- Getting irritated when you ask health-related questions
- Giving vague answers like "everything is fine" without details
3. Changes in Daily Routines and Habits
Your parents have established routines. When health issues arise, these routines often change subtly:
- Sleep patterns: Calling you at unusual times because they can't sleep
- Eating habits: Mentioning they're "not very hungry" frequently
- Social activities: Stopping their morning walks or temple visits
- Household tasks: Hiring help for tasks they used to do themselves
- Technology use: Suddenly struggling with phones or devices they previously managed
4. Physical Signs You Can Spot on Video
Even through a screen, you can notice physical changes if you know what to look for:
- Facial changes: Puffiness, yellowing, or unusual paleness
- Weight changes: Clothes fitting differently or face looking thinner
- Movement issues: Moving more slowly or favoring one side
- Breathing patterns: Pausing mid-sentence or speaking in shorter phrases
- Hand tremors: Shaky hands when holding the phone or drinking tea
5. Information from Neighbors and Relatives
Sometimes the most telling signs come from third parties. If neighbors or relatives mention:
- "I saw your father at the clinic last week"
- "Your mother seems tired these days"
- "They've been ordering more medicines lately"
- "I haven't seen them on their evening walks"
These casual mentions often reveal what your parents are trying to hide.
Cultural Context
In Indian culture, parents often see illness as their own burden to bear. They may believe that sharing health problems with successful children abroad will "bring negative energy" or cause unnecessary worry.
Worried About Your Parents' Health?
Zospital's care coordinators can conduct gentle health check-ins with your parents and provide you with honest, detailed updates about their wellbeing.
Get Professional Health Check-inWhat to Do If You Spot These Signs
If you notice these warning signs, approach the situation with empathy, not confrontation:
- Ask open-ended questions: "How are you feeling today?" instead of "Are you sick?"
- Involve trusted locals: Ask a nearby relative or family friend to check in
- Schedule a health checkup: Frame it as routine preventive care, not because you're worried
- Use professional services: Healthcare coordinators can assess situations objectively
Remember, your parents hide health issues out of love, not deception. They want to protect you from worry, just as you want to protect them from harm.
Frequently Asked Questions
How can I tell if my elderly parents are hiding health problems during video calls?
Watch for subtle changes: avoiding eye contact when discussing health, sitting differently than usual, changes in speech patterns, background changes (new medicines visible), and deflecting health questions quickly.
What should I do if I suspect my parents are hiding health issues?
Approach with empathy, not confrontation. Ask open-ended questions, involve a trusted local relative or friend, schedule a virtual doctor consultation, or arrange for a health check-up through a service like Zospital.
Why do Indian parents hide health problems from their NRI children?
Common reasons include not wanting to worry you, fear of being a burden, pride and independence, concern about medical costs, or believing the problem will resolve on its own.
The bottom line: Trust your instincts. If something feels off during your conversations with your parents, it probably is. Early detection of health issues can make all the difference in treatment outcomes and quality of life.